do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
