3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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