My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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