I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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