Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
