3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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