No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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