She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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