O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
