I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
