my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
