True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
