You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
