Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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