You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
