my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
