and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
