I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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