Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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