So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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