How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
