I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
