Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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