Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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