I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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