either way he was missing a nipple.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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