please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
