my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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