dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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