Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
