He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
