Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
