How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
