Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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