His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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