I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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