You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
