I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize