Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
