Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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