onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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