You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Randomize
