I wish I could teleport
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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