I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
