you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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