he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
