He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
