Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
