I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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