so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
