My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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