Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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