i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This toilet bowl is my home.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
