so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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