Me. At least after what I've been through.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
