I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
