Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
