thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize