2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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