and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
