You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she smelled like a LAN party
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
