ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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