actually, I'm a sock model
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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