Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
