The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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