When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize