im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
