We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need a beard to bite.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize