I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize