I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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