remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
