I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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