I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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