Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
