I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
