Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
