I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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