I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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