Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
