so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
