I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
